i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
