Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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