shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I need to stop coming to work sober
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
