why didn't you poke me back
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
