I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
