you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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