I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
