They should really pass out barf bags in church
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
