spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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