everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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