I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
