can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
