i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize