My room smells like vodka and shame
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
