I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dignity is for republicans.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
