We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
