so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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