if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
