But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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