She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
