I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
