FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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