I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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