Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
