He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
