I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
