I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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