all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
