Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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