Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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