shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
