if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
