ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
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Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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