I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
