Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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