I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
