dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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