According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We need to get me chipped asap
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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