i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
