You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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