we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
