We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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