i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
