I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
