Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I need moral support for this bender
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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