If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
