I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
