I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
