I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
