Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
