woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
