proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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