Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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