i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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