I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
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