Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
