You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My vagina is very pro this idea
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