I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
