she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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