I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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