dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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