so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
