I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
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