Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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