Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
