Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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