Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
