i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
