This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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