Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
